Exclusive serialisation of the book no one wants read to them
THE RICHARD DAWKINS BOOK OF CHILDREN'S STORIES
The Princess & the Frog
Once upon a time, a beautiful Princess, who was looking for a Prince to marry, kissed a frog. Nothing happened - the statistical likelihood of morphogenesis is infinitesimally small. The members of the two different species, amphibian and mammalian, didn't actually live happily ever after because they're a figment of someone's imagination. The end.
Jack & the Beanstalk
Once upon a time, there was a boy called Jack who exchanged his family cow for a handful of "magic beans". His mother was very cross since there is no such thing as "magic", and she threw the beans out of the window. The next morning Jack awoke to find the beans hadn't even germinated yet. The end.
Once upon a time, there was a girl who was forced to work in the kitchens while her Ugly Sisters went to the ball. She was not visited by a Fairy Godmother since there are no such things as fairies and certainly no such thing as God. The pumpkin did not turn into a carriage because matter transmutation is not a scientifically viable concept. It was turned into a pie. The end.
The Grouch who stole Christmas
Once upon there was an evil Professor who had the magic power to suck the joy out of childhood by telling children there's no such thing as (I don't want to hear this, Ed.)